What a whirl wind of a week! Fashion shoots, vendor meetings, marketing projects, networking events, resetting shops….I have been so busy and admittedly have fallen behind on the blog. We can’t do it all! I made a promise this year that I would be more transparent and share more of “me” in my writings, therefore I did not just want to throw something up. After thinking about a meaningful topic, I decided to share my insight on a few life experiences that have kind of played out very publicly, among my peers and how my spiritual journey has mended my heart.
WARNING: Call it pregnancy hormones..but anticipating our new family member has me thinking on a whole different level. This one is going to be deep.
Having children will evolve your interactions from topical, social exchanges to craving real human connections…well at least it did for me. I have always been a social butterfly and have enjoyed going to events and conversating with my peers on the latest communal happenings. I got married and would describe the transition from boyfriend/girlfriend to husband and wife as a very normal conversion. Finances changed and we had rings…but no other real difference. We had fun together going out, were great at creating things together (businesses), and were attracted to each other…what else could a couple need? Turns out…. A LOT! We never really realized our lack in true relationship with one another. Our exchanges had always been very surfaced and topically satisfying. Not sure how we didn’t realize it before, maybe because we were ALWAYS surrounded by friends? We were never really alone? Whatever the case, we never really realized it until our son Jack was born and we were tasked with raising a little human, together, without friends around constantly, relying on each other completely. We learned a lot about each other and also identified our major differences.
I can admit, at first, it was horrible. Difference to me meant “the puzzle piece didn’t fit.” Being such different people, I felt that we were not cut from the same cloth and I couldn’t see the beauty in it. All I could see was that something was missing. I was feeling this brand new eternal warmth that I never knew with my new little son…a love like no other and couldn’t help but to compare this new feeling to the way I felt about my husband and our relationship. This is when I identified that there was something missing between us. It took a while to realize that it wasn’t his fault or mine, it was both of our doings. Neither one of us have every really let anyone. We have had tons of social interactions and exchanges with other people, but due to whatever circumstances in our lives, we were both very guarded. I realized how guarded I was after having Jack and experiencing the undescribable bond that I have never come close to having with anyone else. Going to church and learning about the importance of relationships has helped me to be able to better appreciate those in my life and crave a more authentic relationship.
At church a few weeks back, they identified two character traits as
having a tendency of being too guarded:
need for control
Check and CHECK. These are two personality traits that seem to dominate my actions.
After listening to the sermon I.D. by Robbyn Abedi I learned that relationship isn’t just a “nice to have” in life, it is essential for the well being of all mankind. We were all made to live in relationship and to create. At first there was Adam, after he had EVERYTHING, God noticed that he was not complete, something was missing…relationship, and so Eve was made and together they “created”. Not allowing yourself to experience true relationship out of fear or because you are guarding yourself, deprives you of humanity. The wall that is built in place of relationship is a lonely, dark place where you will always search for the missing piece. I have also learned that EVERYONE’S HUMANITY DESERVES RESPECT! You may not agree with everything your spouse does, but they deserve respect and an effort to understanding. These things have helped me to really appreciate and see all of the wonderful attributes that my husband has that I never even noticed when we were dating..and even greater, has given me a true sense of family. WHAT A GIFT! My husband and I are engaging in real relationship and for the first time ever, I feel like my partner is on my side. Nothing is ever perfect, but we have each other’s back and together we stand before our son to share with him the importance of relationship and to provide a loving family for his amazing little personality (and his sibling in the oven) to cultivate in.