Lifestyle

Finding Alex Part 2: Balancing Life Through Turmoil

1/3 life crisis or learning and becoming more of who I really am? I have been asking myself that a lot lately. Of course, battling divorce, single parenting, and running companies all simultaneously while trying to remember the very basic necessities such as to drink water, feed myself, keep a roof over our head, and to sleep may be more of the real reason I am re-checking a lot of things in my life. Whatever the case, this huge shift in weight on my life’s scale has me searching for an opportunity for growth.

In this post, I am going to address a few questions I am beginning to get on the daily from concerned friends and family as well as the thoughts from those who are wondering but not close enough to ask. Feel free to ask questions! I am a blogger who has shared my life with you all for the past 4 years. You all have been with me on the high … and well, I am here to be real with you all, it’s not always a high. Oh, and because I am mainly a fashion gal, I am going to show off an outfit while spilling the beans! Weird I know but hey, it’s my world in here and you all like it so hang on tight!

The Divorce
Yes, it is happening. I never thought I would find myself here but in all reality, my parents are divorced so I guess I have never placed a horrible sinful stigma on the idea. I grew up with the thought that, shit happens. People fall out of love. I guess that’s what happened in my case on both sides. Yes of course there is a huge story behind it all and a lot of “he said she said” crap, but does it really matter? There’s a fine line between love and hate, and lets put it this way, I have no hate and I suspect that he doesn’t either. What truly happened is neither here nor there, and I am not here to put anyone on blast (even though I have had several “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” movie moments play out in my head), what I always want to do in my posts is to be real with MY feelings in hopes that others can resonate … and because it is self therapy.

Divorce Feeling Check:
INSIDE ALEX’S HEAD *reader beware*


Insecure

Am I worth it?
Is my 31 year old body after having two babies going to be appealing?
OMG, I officially have REAL deal baggage…that’s hot… *SIGH* 

I have to get this Psoriasis in check. Kinda gross 
Boobs after babies really suck. Just because I think it’s hot that I made two humans with my body… pretty sure I will get an eye-roll from a potential prospect.

Resentful
Because EVERYONE is after a divorce.


Crazy
Maybe I am crazy like I was told. Like for real…am I crazy? Is being crazy necessarily a bad thing? All women are crazy right? I think I like being crazy.
Wait did that last statement sound bi-polar? OMG I AM BI-POLAR! Is there a doctor for that?
No ….I am a hypochondriac because I am so insecure right now that I google search every feeling until I just come to the conclusion that I am crazy. Where is “I DON’T GIVE A FANCY ALEX?” Hello is she still in here? … Also sounding crazy… I am definitely crazy.

 

Single Parenting
This is my new title and the most rewarding job ever, also the hardest work ever but I am always up for a challenge. In the past 3 months, I have bonded more than ever with my boys. We were super close before but since it was imperative to put more structure in place to make our new lifestyle work, I have gotten so much more respect out of my 3 year old. My youngest is only 8 months so the new living situation is probably all he will ever know. Now that it is just me parenting when the boys are with me, I have been more strict on dinner choices, dinner times, chores, and bedtime. Yes my oldest is only 3, but before, we had two parents with 2 two different parenting styles. Now that it is just me, it is important to demand compliance to ensure order, in a way that a 3 year old would understand of course. For example, he gets paid a $1 to do his chores. He really wants a Buzz Light-year gun that he didn’t get for Christmas. I enforce chores for money that he then puts in his piggy bank. I have to admit, I fluff a little bit on the actual price of things. When he takes his money to the store and wants a toy that is more than what he has to spend, I secretly throw in a $5. Once he is older we will worry more about the actual value of a dollar but for now, the lesson of hard work in return for reward is the goal. I have enforced a strict bed time and way more healthier eating habits. I have found that structure has definitely helped me in keeping my new home life in check and my boys happy. Raising strong, respectful, hard working boys that love God, their wives, and of course MOMMA is my life long goal.

Single Parenting Feeling Check:
INSIDE ALEX’S HEAD

Empowered
I am woman, hear me roar! 
I have two arms and two kids. I am made for this job. 
If I can raise them to be the men that always love the Lord, protect their wives, and teach their kids family values then I am Wonder Woman!
Wait…I am Wonder Woman regardless… because my son says so.

Independent
If I can do this successfully, which is looking pretty affirmative at this point, I can do anything. 
I don’t need a man! (This is not because my husband has abandoned us…he hasn’t and he is definitely in my son’s life, but when I am holding a screaming baby with one hand, baby food all in my hair, trying to make a bottle with the other hand, a 3 year old on my leg, and I am TOTALLY keeping my cool, I am freaking independent!)

Blessed
This is by far God’s greatest gift to me.

Being a momma and teaching my littles, warms my heart. 
I truly, truly am blessed.

Running Companies
Running companies is always hard and much harder alone. I have to admit, when you have a second person at home and you need to work a little late or attend an evening employee meeting, it is easier because you have an in house sitter, assuming they don’t have to work late of course. When single parenting, your kids get to learn how to run a company at a young age. In other words, they attend the meetings, or help to hang clothes and stock the store after dinner. Thank the Lord that I have some pretty awesome ladies working for me and this rarely happens these days, but when I do have to meet a deadline and I must bring the boys, I am sure to make a learning experience out of it. Jack helps me to pull jewelry out of boxes and lay it out to be put in the system, or he hangs up the new clothes so I can steam. Once he does a job well done, we always walk on over to the candy store for a little mommy son treat while James, the baby, enjoys a bottle.

Single Parenting Feeling Check:
INSIDE ALEX’S HEADAccomplished

My companies, no matter their success or failures, always make me feel accomplished. 
I have purpose in my boys and I find worth and accomplishment in my entrepreneurial dream.

Determined 
I constantly have ideas and when the light-bulb goes off and I jot it down, the determination phase sets in.
I am the ONLY source of income for my family now so I hustle and keep the determination for success always in sight. 
Can’t drop the ball, I HAVE MOUTHS TO FEED! I WILL NOT FAIL.

Exhausted
Because you just are when trying to run a boutique, makeup line, blog, brand, and help with your dad’s business. You just get a little tired sometimes.

Basic Necessities
While this should be number 1, it always seems to be prioritized last. I had a few spells in the beginning where I had neglected eating or drinking enough water and I almost hit black out, total body exhaustion. Those moments reminded me of the importance of actually taking care of myself. I am all these boys have over here. (They have daddy when they are with him, but with mommy, I am it). When there isn’t a partner around, you have to make sure to give yourself the proper nutrience to physically make it through the day. I have really made some lifestyle changes as of late. I am on a vitamin regimen. I drink a lot more water. I actually eat breakfast. I have made working out a 4-5 day a week habit. This is a total lifestyle change mainly for my boys, but that has really positively effected my well being.

I really hope you have enjoyed stepping inside of my head and learning what it feels like to be a single momma, well at least what THIS girl feels like, and I hope that it has helped you, or someone you may know in their journey. Divorce is not ideal, but sometimes it is nessecary for two people to achieve happiness! I mean, our kiddos deserve to see us at our best, truly happy, and if you and your spouse cannot achieve this together, it may be better to co-parent and achieve it apart.
Loving my outfit? Check out Stock and Bella on Main St. downtown Memphis!
Also, if you loved the post, please share with your fellow friends in turmoil by clicking the link below and sharing Pinterest.

 

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3 Comments

  • Reply
    Anna Allison
    May 29, 2018 at 2:51 am

    This is everything! As a fellow divorced gal in her 30s. I can relate to all of it! You are doing Amazing!!

  • Reply
    Aly Vinograd
    May 29, 2018 at 2:51 am

    Funny, strong, and unapologetically honest. Your words have been speaking to me!! So happy for your strength and your journey. Your words are capable of giving so much courage to open ears ��

  • Reply
    Yvette Smith
    June 13, 2018 at 3:09 pm

    You are an amazing lady & mom. Don’t let anyone tell you differently

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