Dear unconventional mom in 2018…I have 4 very “mom” questions to ask you. Mama to mama, Madre a Madre, mammy to mammy. Ok I’ll stop now, but seriously. Can a mama help a sista out? Oh, and don’t judge me. Especially if you are not a mom!
Am I the only hypochondriac when it comes to my kids?
Yesterday, I picked Jack, my 3 year old, up from school and did the regular routine. Came home, made dinner, and began giving baths. When I took Jack’s top off I noticed a huge rash all over his back. It looked like little pin points everywhere! I kept a smile so that I did not freak him out, but in my head I was having a major meltdown. I sat by the bathtub as he played, researching symptoms on my phone. After 30 minutes, Jack broke me from my hard concentration; tapping me on my shoulder with his dripping wet finger, he said “Mommy, my water is cold. I need to get out.” Oops, of course I was so worried about all of his ailments that I had began recapping over the last month, I neglected to actually bathe my son. I started the faucet to let a little more warm water in and began to finish the original task at hand. I was in a total haze. He had a few nose bleeds last month. He told me his head hurt a few times over the last week. He had complained that his knees were sore ones or twice. His legs always get bruises. Now, a rash all over his back! I was trying to fight back the tears as I came to the frightening resolution that he has LEUKEMIA! I called his dad all in a funk, questioning everything. I began an hour of investigating, calling his other relatives that he hung out this past weekend while at his father’s, and continuously asking Jack if his head hurt, tummy or legs hurt, inspecting his gums for spots, looking at the marks under a magnifying glass. Do growing pains explain his knees being sore? Does his horrible allergies explain the couple nose bleeds? Finally, after speaking to my sister in law, I learned that he and his cousin played on a slip and slide and got into a box of kittens that had…ewww….fleas! He was quickly cleaned up upon discovery but it was too late. Her son had the same marks and scratches. The slide explained the scratches. The, I don’t even want to say the F-word, bugs explained the pin points.
Now, I will take anything over cancer or death when it comes to my kids health but learning that the spots were bites made me cringe. I’m not sure what is more embarrassing to admit, that I am a worry wort freak of a mom that always frets the absolute worse and would make her kids live in a big blowup ball if I could, or my little boy was being a boy and loved on an animal he probably shouldn’t have, and picked up a few extra friends. YUCK! Either way, please tell me I am not the only MOM FREAK out there and that I am totally not being judged!
Who loves their boobs after a babies?
If you exist, please don’t tell me. I will be super jealous and may ban you from my page! I am just kidding about the banning part, but I will be TOTALLY jealous. I know I sound extremely superficial right now. Honestly, kids are worth every flabby arm, fluffy tush, or saggy titty, I truly mean that but when I began my journey to motherhood I was married, now I am in the process of being unmarried. While my boys love me just the way I am, the men may not be too impressed! Just being candid, and at best, a little over dramatic. I only halfway care about what others think if I must be honest. So, to the mommies who like their boobs better after babies, YOU ROCK! For those of us that want a little enhancement without getting the ultimate enhancement, I have found Flaunt. These are little gel inserts. It’s like stuffing your bra but without the socks and with a little more natural, gel like material. I found these over on DiscoverPeach.com. They are great for formal wear or even swimsuits as they are water resistant.
Does the guilt ever go away?
I know I’m a damn good mom but the guilt is always on my shoulder. He wants, wants, wants. Of course he does, what 3 year old doesn’t but it is hard to determine when, as a mother, to give him all his little heart desires or put a “stop in the name of love” hand up. Work, as an entrepreneur, single mom, I am the only bread winner of my home. To keep food in these little guy’s mouths I have to bust it doing about 4 different jobs at a time. I often feel guilt because my work will go in to the evenings. James is too small to care but Jack will tell me to put my computer down. It’s as if I am being scolded. I try to carve out play time every night but sometimes work gets in the way. I know he is too young to understand and believe me, I would much rather being playing with my boys than hustling for a dollar! The thing is, once I have more time to play and give more attention, I will begin to feel guilty about something else. I just love these little boogers so such! Does the guilt mean I am doing a bad job or is it just the fear of not doing it right?
I do a lot of things out of the of the norm when it comes to parenting, or so my friends and family point out. I am dead honest with my boys. Many would call this the fear factor. For an example, Jack likes to play in the pool at his Mawmaw’s house. I am terrified that he will drown so I tell him, “If you go outside when no one is out here and fall or jump in that pool without a life jacket on, you will sink to the bottom and die and mommy will cry forever.” I must admit, it sounds harsh but it is the truth. Another example, Jack asked me about heaven and how you get there. I have to say, it was very awkward to try to explain the beauty in death to a 3 year old but I did my best job. He was a little weird-ed out and a bit confused but I spared no truth. Now when it comes to the birds and the bees, I will leave that for his teenage years.
Another example is the concept of work. I pay my child to do chores. Some of my friends say he will expect a dollar every time he does something for someone but observing the entitled attitude with a lot of the youth today, I am determined to have children that know how to get what they want, the right way.
These are just a few ways that I stray from the idea of the 1950’s all is butterflies and candy parenting style. I am not being condescending at all. The conventional family with conventional parenting is a lovely home environment and ideal, but being a single, working mother, my family is far from the conventional one. I also think that after my brother died suddenly, my views of the world changed. They became more jaded and realistic. I want my kids to know the REAL world so that they are always cautious and aware. I just had a conversation the other day with Jack about strangers and how many people in the world act very nice and friendly but that there are tons of bad people. If someone smiles and beckons him by name, he shouldn’t go to them if he doesn’t know them. Many say that kids should be kids and not worry about the darkness in the world, and I agree to a point, but I feel it is important that my boys know the reality of which we live in. Other’s tell me my kids are going to be anxiety ridden and a bit on the odd side if I keep this up. I see no differences in their personalities except that Jack is very very cautious in situations where it is essential.
I would love to hear your thoughts! Please leave them in the comments below! Let’s have a discussion.
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