In a recent poll in my Hard Life Group on Instagram (join the group via the link in my Instagram bio) you all voted that Relationships are really getting the best of you, especially when it comes to trust. I have been there too and can totally relate. In this post, I am sharing my personal experiences and some tips to help you through the hard stuff when it comes to trusting your partner.
Trust Your Partner
I could tell you a billion stories regarding my journey with trust and relationships, lessons that began in my childhood, carried on through adolescence and reflected on my relationships as an adult. I could also share the stories of my friends, like Crystal Hallock, who have been hurt by a lack of trust in relationships. I could create an entire blog just for recounting these stories, but for the sake of “fear of reliving” and the time constraints of retelling I will just tell my most recent bout with trust, but before I do, I would like to share some information about trust development in humans.
Overall, trust in others is a gradual process that begins early in life and evolves over time as individuals gain more experiences and insights into the nature of relationships. The development of trust in others typically begins during infancy and continues throughout childhood and adolescence. In infancy, trust is established through the consistent care and responsiveness of caregivers, particularly parents or primary caregivers. Babies learn to trust that their needs will be met when they cry or express discomfort, fostering a sense of security and attachment.
As children grow older, they learn to trust parents, other family members, peers, teachers, and authority figures based on their experiences and interactions. Positive experiences, such as receiving support and encouragement, contribute to the development of trust, while negative experiences, such as parental conflict, parental alienation, or divorce can undermine an adolescent’s sense of security and trust in relationships. They may struggle to trust others if they fear similar disruptions or abandonment.
During adolescence, individuals may become more discerning in their trust, as they navigate more complex social relationships and encounters. They may develop a greater understanding of the nuances of trust, including the importance of reliability, honesty, and empathy in interpersonal connections. All of these factors play in to our trust levels as adults and can deeply shape how we handle trust in relationships.
My Story (one of them)
Trust issues arose while dating my husband shortly after the 7 month mark in our relationship. In the beginning, we set clear boundaries about what we wanted. I was a single mom of two boys, had a friendly relationship with my ex-husband, had my dream home, was living my dream life, and was just thriving in general. Mr. Greg was a single father, was doing great in his job, and had a beautiful home. From outside looking in, he seemed to be thriving as well. Neither one of us was looking for marriage, or even a serious relationship in the beginning. We both just wanted an attractive friend to spend time and share life with.
This was not a “friend with benefits” type thing. I think we were just both afraid of the words “boyfriend and girlfriend” so we decided that we would be everything without placing a lot of value on those words. Due to previous major trust violations while dating as a single mom, I was very reluctant to take anything fast. Mr. Greg “top-line” told me about some divorce trauma. When I say top-line, he didn’t get into much detail but he did say that for those reasons, he didn’t want to jump into anything too serious. None-the-less, eventually things started progressively getting more serious and we were spending more than 4 days a week together.
We told each other that we weren’t seeing other people, but the titles, well they were still stupid to us so we chose not to label. I mean, what is a title anyway? If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck? The only problem was, my mindset secretly began to change over time. Being a gal that posts everything about my life on social, I wanted to share my love with the world. He, on the other hand, was secretively reluctant.
One night, after dating for almost 7 months, I mentioned meeting the boys to Mr. Greg and asked about me meeting his son. He was hesitant but agreed to meet my boys. I noticed he was sweet and interactive with my boys but a little awkward during the meeting. After the exchange, he began to get weird. When I pressed him on the change, he told me that he missed his son and that being around my boys made him sad. You see, he only gets to see his son 6 days a month. He told me that he felt guilty at the thought that he would be around my boys more than his own son. In response, I suggested that I meet his son and the boys could eventually meet and hang out together. He kind of glossed over the idea and when I would bring up the relationship later he would have an excuse that seemed to be the worst cop out ever!
He eventually told me that he had tumultuous relationship with his ex-wife and that any interaction with his son would cause their relationship to deteriorate even more. It seemed we were at a stand still. I honestly called BS on the excuse. I side-eyed the entire situation and trust issues began to set in. Due to the fact that I saw no way of the relationship progressing at this point, we began seeing each other less, began fighting, and the walls went up. Despite our previous arrangement, I wanted more and in my opinion, he had a lame excuse for giving it to me.
I finally decided to let go. I was so sad at the decision to close the chapter of what was our relationship but it seemed we weren’t on the same page. I questioned his motives for ever being with me in the first place. I began to resent him, and at times had feelings of hate towards him. (We all know there is a fine line between love and hate.) Although we had officially ended things, I started dating other people and wasn’t fully forthcoming about that either. You can read all the details of the break up and reunion in a previous post here.
After, we worked everything out and got married, the trust issues that were established while we were dating were still present and desperately needed to be resolved. I had extreme resentment over the entire debacle which meant A LOT of work was needed to undo what had been done. It took more than a year into our marriage to get back on track, but I am proud to say that we are stronger than ever before. I am so happy we chose to listen to each other, take actionable steps to fix things, and to keep fighting for our love. In the end, trust isn’t an issue but it wasn’t fixed overnight. If both parties are truely willing to lay down their swords and choose each other, anything can be resolved. Below are some things that Mr. Greg and I did to rebuild the damaged trust.
How to Build Trust in a Relationship
Trusting your partner is essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship, but building and maintaining trust requires ongoing effort and commitment from both partners. By prioritizing open communication, respect, empathy, and accountability, you can create a strong foundation of trust in your relationship.
Ways to build and maintain trust:
- Effective Communication: Open, honest communication is crucial. Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings, and be willing to do the same. Address any concerns or issues promptly and respectfully.
- Consistency: Trust is built over time through consistent actions. Be reliable and dependable in your words and deeds. Consistency helps establish a sense of security in the relationship.
- Transparency: Be open about your activities, whereabouts, and feelings. Avoid keeping secrets or hiding important information from your partner. Transparency fosters trust and prevents misunderstandings.
- Respect: Show respect for your partner’s boundaries, opinions, and autonomy. Respect forms the foundation of trust and demonstrates your commitment to the relationship.
- Accountability: Take responsibility for your actions and their consequences. If you make a mistake, apologize sincerely and make amends. Holding yourself accountable strengthens trust and demonstrates integrity.
- Empathy: Practice empathy by understanding and validating your partner’s emotions and experiences. Empathetic listening fosters a deeper connection and builds trust by demonstrating your willingness to support and understand your partner.
- Consent and Boundaries: Respect your partner’s boundaries and seek their consent in all aspects of the relationship. Honoring boundaries builds trust and shows that you prioritize your partner’s comfort and well-being.
- Reliability: Be reliable and follow through on your commitments. Fulfilling promises and being there for your partner when they need you reinforces trust and strengthens the bond between you.
- Demonstrate Trustworthiness: Trust is reciprocal. Show your partner that you trust them by giving them the benefit of the doubt and respecting their choices and decisions.
- Work Through Challenges Together: Every relationship faces challenges, but overcoming them together can strengthen trust. Approach problems as a team, communicate openly, and collaborate on finding solutions.
- Cultivate Intimacy: Intimacy goes beyond physical closeness; it involves emotional connection and vulnerability. Share your thoughts, fears, and dreams with your partner, and encourage them to do the same. Building emotional intimacy deepens trust and strengthens the bond between you.
- Forgiveness: Learn to forgive and let go of past mistakes. Holding onto resentment erodes trust and damages the relationship. Forgiveness allows you to move forward and rebuild trust with your partner.
How to Regain Trust in a Relationship
Regaining trust in a relationship can be a challenging but achievable process with commitment, effort, and effective communication. Here are some steps you can take:
- Acknowledge the Breach: Be honest with yourself and your partner about what happened that led to the breach of trust. Accept responsibility for your actions if you were the one who caused the breach.
- Apologize Sincerely: A genuine apology is crucial. Express remorse for your actions and acknowledge the hurt you caused your partner. Avoid making excuses or shifting blame.
- Open Communication: Create a safe space for open communication with your partner. Encourage them to express their feelings, concerns, and doubts. Listen actively without interrupting or becoming defensive.
- Be Transparent: Transparency is key to rebuilding trust. Be open and honest about your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Avoid keeping secrets or hiding information, as this can further erode trust.
- Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to prevent similar issues from arising in the future. Discuss what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable in the relationship and mutually agree on how to move forward.
- Follow Through on Promises: Consistently follow through on your promises and commitments. Demonstrating reliability and consistency over time can help rebuild trust.
- Give It Time: Rebuilding trust takes time and patience. Understand that your partner may need time to heal and rebuild their trust in you. Avoid pressuring them or expecting immediate results.
- Seek Counseling: Consider seeking couples therapy or counseling to navigate the process of rebuilding trust. A trained therapist can provide guidance, support, and tools to help both partners heal and strengthen their relationship.
- Work on Yourself: Take proactive steps to address any underlying issues or behaviors that contributed to the breach of trust. This might involve individual therapy, self-reflection, or personal development activities.
- Be Patient and Persistent: Rebuilding trust is a gradual process that requires patience and persistence from both partners. Stay committed to the journey and continue to demonstrate your dedication to rebuilding the relationship.
Remember that regaining trust in a relationship is a collaborative effort that requires commitment, communication, and a willingness to change. It may not be easy, but with time, effort, and mutual support, it is possible to rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship.
Quotes on Trust in a Relationship
Now, let’s look at some of my favorite quotes on trust and analyze their meanings.
- “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” – Stephen Covey
Analysis: This quote emphasizes the fundamental importance of trust in relationships. Trust forms the basis of effective communication and is essential for building and maintaining strong connections with others. If you don’t trust the person who is speaking to you, how can youengage in effective communication? Without trust, relationships lack stability and may struggle to thrive. - “Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it’s broken, but you can still see the crack in that motherfucker’s reflection.” – Lady Gaga
Analysis: Lady Gaga’s quote uses vivid imagery to illustrate the lasting impact of broken trust. Even if trust is repaired, there may still be lingering scars or reminders of past betrayals. This was one of the hardest things for me. After trust was reestablished in my relationship it was easier to let go, but it was a process. Rebuilding trust after it’s been damaged requires effort and may never fully erase the memories that caused the damage in the first place. - “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” – Dhar Mann
Analysis: This quote emphasizes the time and effort required to build and rebuild trust in a relationship. Trust is fragile and can be easily shattered, but repairing it is a lengthy process that requires patience, commitment, and consistent effort from both parties involved. - “Without trust, you have nothing. Trust is the foundation of any relationship.” – Unknown
Analysis: This quote succinctly captures the critical role trust plays in relationships. Trust forms the foundation upon which healthy relationships are built. Without trust, relationships may ultimately crumble under the weight of suspicion and doubt. - “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” – Ernest Hemingway
Analysis: This one is so true but very scary and hard for me to do. The older I get, the more solid my walls have become and the harder it is for me to trust. Hemingway’s quote suggests that trust is not just given; it’s earned through actions and experiences. Taking the risk to trust someone is often necessary to discover whether they are trustworthy. While trusting others involves vulnerability, it is also essential for fostering intimacy and connection in relationships.
Quotes on Trust Broken
Ok, now let’s analyze the opposite, quotes on trust broken. The truth of the matter is, many of us have experiences that have damaged trust to even deeper levels. Reading opposite viewpoints can be even more relatable and help with the healing process as well.
- “Broken trust is like melted chocolate. No matter how hard you try to freeze it, you can never return it to its original shape.” – Unknown
Analysis: This metaphorical quote compares broken trust to melted chocolate, illustrating how trust, once broken, cannot be fully restored to its original form. Like melted chocolate, trust may be irreparably changed by betrayal, even if efforts are made to repair it. This quote emphasizes the lasting impact of broken trust and suggests that while healing may occur, the relationship may never be the same as it was before the betrayal. But, like with every traumatic life event, we are transformed by the experience. While life may look different, the lesson can be learned and repairs can be done to move forward. - “When trust is broken, sorry means nothing.” – Unknown
Analysis: This quote emphasizes the profound impact of broken trust on the efficacy of apologies. It suggests that when trust is violated, simply saying “sorry” is insufficient to repair the damage done. Apologies may lack sincerity or credibility in the aftermath of betrayal, and rebuilding trust requires more than just words—it necessitates genuine remorse, accountability, and consistent actions that demonstrate a commitment to change. Actions may speak louder than words when it comes to repairing the damage.
I hope you have found some inspiration in this post, but before going, I think it is extremely neccesary to note, If someone has done something to you to break your trust and you are the only one trying to fix the damage, it is not worth the effort. Building trust in a relationship is always a two person game.
Feel free to leave your experiences and comments at the bottom of this post! Let’s have a conversation!
